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'...and yet despite the look on my face you're still fucking talking?'
'If at first you don't succeed try doing it the way your wife told you...'
'I just want people to fuck off while I binge watch serial killer documentaries'
'I used to smell of Chanel. Now I just smell of Zoflora, bleach & broken dreams'
'A poem for mornings. Tea, Tea, Tea. Tea. Tea, Tea. Everyone fuck off. Tea.'
'Current Mood: Not today you peasant slag'
'Bees don't waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit'
'None of your emails are finding me well'
'I have the patience of a Saint. Saint Cunty McFuckoff.'
'Chin up. Tits out. Onwards.'
'I Love coffee. Coffee doesn't ask me stupid fucking questions in the morning.'
'Never be too generous with your energy, time and vagina'
'We can literally only be friends if you are a bit of a cunt...'
'People: You look son unapproachable. Me:...and yet here you fucking are.'
'What, from the bottom of my heart, the fuck?'
'I'm just an awkward, foul-mouthed, sarcastic fucking delight'
'Them: 'What's the first thing you notice when someone approaches you?...'
'Relax. We're all cunts here. It's not a competition.'
'Narcissist: A more polite term for a self serving, manipulative piece of shit'
'We are going to be best friends forever until we're old and grey...'
I shit you not. Some people have the power to turn me into a hoofwanking...'
'Will I ever work on my swearing? Absolutely Fucking Not!'
'Hi. I don't care. Thanks'
'What kind of fuckery is this?'
