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'You would be the perfect husband if you weren't such an insufferable cunt'
'Always be the bigger person. Absolutely fucking not!'
'Mum. I'm going to buy you a pot to piss in. Just so you can say you have one'
'Come in. Make yourself at home. Hurry up and fucking leave'
'How am I supposed to Live, Laugh, Love in these fucking conditions'
'My face has entered the conversation without my consent'
'You deserve a day that is as amazing as you are. So, fairly decent'
'I've learnt to accept people exactly as they are.'
'I'm looking for friends with benefits. Not on them'
'The older I get the less interested I am in pretending I'm pleased to see you'
'Happy 40th Birthday! Welcome to general decay'
'I'd love to stay and chat. (That's obviously a lie)'
'Ginger Cunt' Cup & Saucer set'
'Vintage 'My Fucking Cake' Cake Plate'
'Vintage 'Country Cunts' Plate'
'Vintage 'Cunt' Cup & Saucer set'
'My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to cunts that needs work'
'Forgive & Forget doesn't work for me. Fuck off and shit out a cactus works....'
'Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate...'
'Apologies my good bitch, but what seems to be the fuck?'
'Some people handle stress with yoga, meditation and long walks...'
'I tried to put myself in your shoes. But they were cheap and I looked like a..'
'To Do List: 1. Buy a potato. 2. Call it 'Kindness. 3. Throw it at people...'
'Sometimes the most soul cleansing, spiritual thing you can do is...'
