Holyflaps
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'You would be the perfect husband if you weren't such an insufferable cunt'
'Always be the bigger person. Absolutely fucking not!'
'Mum. I'm going to buy you a pot to piss in. Just so you can say you have one'
'Come in. Make yourself at home. Hurry up and fucking leave'
'How am I supposed to Live, Laugh, Love in these fucking conditions'
'My face has entered the conversation without my consent'
'You deserve a day that is as amazing as you are. So, fairly decent'
'I've learnt to accept people exactly as they are.'
'I'm looking for friends with benefits. Not on them'
'The older I get the less interested I am in pretending I'm pleased to see you'
'Happy 40th Birthday! Welcome to general decay'
'I'd love to stay and chat. (That's obviously a lie)'
'In a sudden flash of clarity and horror'
'Don't bite the hand that fingers you'
'You're 21! But in washing machine minutes'
'Maybe the day had a shitty you'
'I'm not old. I've just had loads of Birthdays. Greedy.'
'All women want is a £10 Iced Coffee and a little kiss on the forehead'
'"...hanging by a thread..." your hairline'
'I'm becoming the best version of myself '
'ChatGPT said that you're a prick'
'Don't tell me to act my age. I've never been this fucking age before'
'What do you look for in a friendship?'
'Life is short. So is my fucking attention span'
