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'You would be the perfect husband if you weren't such an insufferable cunt'
'Always be the bigger person. Absolutely fucking not!'
'Mum. I'm going to buy you a pot to piss in. Just so you can say you have one'
'Come in. Make yourself at home. Hurry up and fucking leave'
'How am I supposed to Live, Laugh, Love in these fucking conditions'
'My face has entered the conversation without my consent'
'You deserve a day that is as amazing as you are. So, fairly decent'
'I've learnt to accept people exactly as they are.'
'I'm looking for friends with benefits. Not on them'
'The older I get the less interested I am in pretending I'm pleased to see you'
'Happy 40th Birthday! Welcome to general decay'
'I'd love to stay and chat. (That's obviously a lie)'
'Ginger Cunt' Cup & Saucer set'
'Vintage 'My Fucking Cake' Cake Plate'
'Vintage 'Country Cunts' Plate'
'Vintage 'Cunt' Cup & Saucer set'
'My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to cunts that needs work'
'Forgive & Forget doesn't work for me. Fuck off and shit out a cactus works....'
'Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate...'
'Apologies my good bitch, but what seems to be the fuck?'
'Some people handle stress with yoga, meditation and long walks...'
'I tried to put myself in your shoes. But they were cheap and I looked like a..'
'To Do List: 1. Buy a potato. 2. Call it 'Kindness. 3. Throw it at people...'
'Sometimes the most soul cleansing, spiritual thing you can do is...'
'...and yet despite the look on my face you're still fucking talking?'
'If at first you don't succeed try doing it the way your wife told you...'
'I just want people to fuck off while I binge watch serial killer documentaries'
'I used to smell of Chanel. Now I just smell of Zoflora, bleach & broken dreams'
'A poem for mornings. Tea, Tea, Tea. Tea. Tea, Tea. Everyone fuck off. Tea.'
'Current Mood: Not today you peasant slag'
'Bees don't waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit'
'None of your emails are finding me well'
'I have the patience of a Saint. Saint Cunty McFuckoff.'
'Chin up. Tits out. Onwards.'
'I Love coffee. Coffee doesn't ask me stupid fucking questions in the morning.'
'Never be too generous with your energy, time and vagina'
'We can literally only be friends if you are a bit of a cunt...'
'People: You look son unapproachable. Me:...and yet here you fucking are.'
'What, from the bottom of my heart, the fuck?'
'I'm just an awkward, foul-mouthed, sarcastic fucking delight'
'Them: 'What's the first thing you notice when someone approaches you?...'
'Relax. We're all cunts here. It's not a competition.'
'Narcissist: A more polite term for a self serving, manipulative piece of shit'
'We are going to be best friends forever until we're old and grey...'
I shit you not. Some people have the power to turn me into a hoofwanking...'
'Will I ever work on my swearing? Absolutely Fucking Not!'
'Hi. I don't care. Thanks'
'What kind of fuckery is this?'
'You Croc wearing Cunt'
'I fucking love you you cunt'
'I'm mostly Peace, Love & Light... and a little 'Go Fuck Yourself''
'Never judge a book by it's cover...well that's a cunt if ever I saw one'
'In a sudden flash of clarity and horror'
'Don't bite the hand that fingers you'
'You're 21! But in washing machine minutes'
'Maybe the day had a shitty you'
'I'm not old. I've just had loads of Birthdays. Greedy.'
'All women want is a £10 Iced Coffee and a little kiss on the forehead'
'"...hanging by a thread..." your hairline'
'I'm becoming the best version of myself '
'ChatGPT said that you're a prick'
'Don't tell me to act my age. I've never been this fucking age before'
'What do you look for in a friendship?'
'Life is short. So is my fucking attention span'
'I always wake up full of gratitude. Then I remember eew people'
'What turns you on? Competence. Filthy fucking competence'
'Age has taught me patience. People have taught me it's fucking limits'
'What's the first thing you notice about someone?'
'I have big plans. Quite ambitious for someone lying down'
'I am perfectly capable of being articulate. Cunt is just much quicker'
'I am learning to trust my instincts'
'I used to really like you. That was fucking optimistic'
